MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
I know it’s nearly June, but as far as I’m concerned, 2008 has started a bit late for me.
January 1st 2008 was supposed to kick off a New Positive Era, and I was supposed to
be More Proactive, Positive, Fit, Healthy, Adventurous, Kinder, Funnier, Cleverer, More
Creative, More Instinctive, More Focused, and generally be a better All Round Good Egg.
I narrowed these down to a few specific Resolutions , as measuring whether you’ve achieved being a better All Round Good Egg is a bit problematical – and the ones I can write about included getting better at shines at long last, learning to lead, and clearing out my clothes. Ruthlessly. Really.
Unfortunately, Life Happened – family sadnesses, threat of redundancy now lifted, decorating, colds, coughs, flu-like symptoms, the fan on the central heating breaking again, and problems with the space-time continium.All these put achieving my resolutions back a few months. But i’m back, and 2008 has finally started. I’m sure in some calendar somewhere the new Year starts in May, so that’s the calendar i’m following.
The Space-Time Continuum and Shines.
Having long had a problem with shines, I finally got sick of my diversionary tactic of wiggling about a lot to drag attention away from my feet, and occasionally skipping a bit to make it look like something interesting was actually happening viz a viz my footwork. I got this from one of my daughters, who, when she was two years old, used to stand still, make a big show of moving her legs as if she was about to take off, say I’m jumping, I’m jumping, and then just sort of stretch, quickly to make it look like something was happening. But it wasnt. Her feet never actually left the ground.Impressive slight of hand when you are two. But doesn’t work for adults.
So, having bored myself to tears, at last, with this inability to dance properly, i finally decided to do something about it. But i couldnt. I ran into problems – I began to suffer from Time-Slip.
This must have happened to you. You make the decision to arrive just a few minutes earlier at your venue. You get ready earlier so that you are ready to leave just a few minutes before you normally leave. Everything is ready, everything is set. But you arrive at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME THAT YOU ALWAYS USED TO, meaning, just after the shines begin. Just enough after the shines begin to make you think, “I’m too late, I wont catch up. next week I’ll be on time.” But it happens again. Now, I’ve checked this out with my two regular clubs of choice . One is ten minutes away, one is an hour. BUT I ARRIVE AT EXACTLY THE SAME POINT IN THE SHINES AT EACH CLUB. I.E. JUST TOO LATE TO START THE SHINES…….whatever time i leave my house.
The reason? Time-Slip. You have a pre-set time to arrive
at your destination and that’s the time the universe allows you to get there.
That’s your book-in time. Whether you’ve booked it or not. And to make
sure things run smoothly, even if you are ready early, your bit of time
freezes at some point before you get to the club – ie. your bit goes slower, the rest of the universe carries on as normal, et voila!! You arrive at your usual time. Think of a big hand picking you off an escalater when you’re near the top, and putting you back right at the bottom without you realising it. That’s where that sense of Deja-Vu comes from. “ooh, i feel like i’ve been here before….how bizzare and spooky.” You have been here before . I minute and 30 seconds ago to be exact….
Thus, everything runs smoothly for the salsa-universe, but it doesn’t help with the shines. Does it…..and you can’t go in somewhere and say, “I’m late again. That flipping space time continuum. Caught me out on the Mile End Road this time.” People tend to keep their distance when you say that. Well, that’s my experience, anyway.
But last week something changed. I managed to get to my Tuesday club on time. And i managed to do the shines. And I managed it for my Sunday club, too. I was rubbish. But its a start.
How did I do it? Firstly I began to get a bit stroppy with the Universe. Why had I been singled out to be rubbish at shines – because that’s what it amounted to, didnt it…..the Universe didn’t have a good enough answer for that! Then ITstamped my feet a bit and got a bit whiney, which made the Universe feel a bit guilty. Then I left really, really early, so no matter how many Time Slips I had, the Universe couldnt keep up. Don’t know why I didnt think of any of it before. actually -
After all that, my shines should improve…but don’t watch this space.
Learning to Lead
I cannot blame the fact that I have not learned the rudiments of the lead on the Universe or time-slip.
The blame lies entirely on my shoulders. I have made many excuses over the years – none of them any good. Although as I have been accused of leading myself by one or two (or five or six) members of the opposite sex, there have been occasions when I thought i didnt need to bother.
But I did need to bother. Because how can you understand the dance if you don’t know what the other person is going through – I mean – what the other person has to do in order to give the correct signals to lead you.
So, I took the plunge at the beginning of the year, but due to arm-ache and colds I gave up. But in my new shine-friendly, learning new skills mind-set I have started again in the absolute beginners class. And it’s hard work. It’s like learning to drive a car isn’t it (sorry, ladies), but a different one every seven minutes.
Then there’s the limited arm-stretch – I am petite (no, not short – petite), and have to stand on tippy toes every so often to lead a turn, whilst the taller ladies helpfully bend their knees so I don’t wallop them in the face with my arm….none of us have fallen over yet, and from the outside it may well look like we’re on opposite ends of a very, very small see-saw, but i’m on a horizontal learning curve and wont give up. No, no, no….
However, at this moment in time, the prospect of leading anything more than a cross-body lead, and single turn seems no more than a dream, and a rather hazy one at that.
You see, I have always said that leading can include actually telling people what do to with words, as it does in the outside world. So, “spin, turn around, side to side, titanic…..no, no titanic. No, no not lik that,” could be part of the man’s repertoire, although I suppose if that happened the ladies could use “Bugger Off” as a response, as would of course happen in the outside world too.
Ok, that would take away the fun of learning our secret language, but at this early stage in the game, seems a more effective avenue for me to take than the traditional route.
And to the men I have danced with over the years…….flippin’ heck, its really really difficult, innit. I do apologise for all the arm pulling. And rounds of applause for being able to remember all those leads so we can do more than go backwards and forwards when we dance…..
How long this new and empathetic state of mind will last I don’t know, but there is one thing……I think all men should learn how to follow, too….now that would be interesting…and as for the arguments,…..would add an extra bit of salsa- frisson, eh……
Over to you…
Next time – The Perils of Pauline – or the Chaos of Chris – my encounter with the City of London Police on the way home from a rather lovely salsa night out….
Copyright Chris Penhall 2008
